Clarity

This week marks my six weeks of sobriety. In preparation for yoga school (which starts this weekend) I have let go of my physical habits and addictions. This includes certain foods, pot and alcohol. Alcohol and pot have been part of my life for the majority of the past fifteen years. I started drinking and doing other mind altering things when I was fourteen years old. I was too young to start doing such things I think, but I am not about to launch into a tale of tainted youth and past regrets. The choices I have made have made me who I am and I cant say that I regret any of it. Things do have a way, however, of embedding themselves in the fabric and intricate embroidery of our lives. They sew themselves in so deep you forget what it is like to be without them. To separate from and unwrap those threads can be uncomfortable at first, but, eventually, very liberating.

I found that in the first two weeks my mind was very focused on what I wasn't doing. I wasn't getting buzzed after work, or with friends, or by myself. I wasn't taking the edge off and imbibing and letting go. I wasnt loosening up and partying down. As time went by, however, I began to focus more on what was. I was seeing things more clearly. I was being more present with myself and with others. I was remembering my dreams more. I was getting up every morning before work (and I have to be at work at 6:30am mind you) and doing an HOUR of yoga and meditation WITHOUT being hungover!!
And, to bring things into the present moment, I am still doing those things, and I feel amazing. I am not imbibing, but I am still letting go. I am finding a joyfullness inside of me that is being released by daily practice and simply living. I am discovering a quieter side to myself. An inner caterpiller inside of this social butterfly is coming to the surface. It is a quieter, more contemplative creature that shall eventually blossom and integrate itself into the fabric of my life. Times are a changin, and I am fully ready for the change that is happening within me. My yoga journey is just about to begin, and the changes, I know, will be vast.

I certainly am not the fitting the image of a supremely spiritual hermit. I dont sit at home and meditate all day and, me being me, still have a vast social circle and active social life. I go out with my friends after work and sip soda water with cranberry whilst watching them down fermented grapes and hops. I also intend on enjoying my beloved IPA's again after finishing yoga school. I may be going to the extreme for the next eight months but, in the end, I intend on finding balance. I intend on weaving a new tapestry, one that reflects diligent practice and playful revelry. And so it begins.....