Humbling.

Only three days ago I was bragging to my girlfriends over drinks at a local watering hole.
"I haven't been sick in almost three years," I boasted jovially. They all nodded politely whilst blowing their dripping schnozes.
"I think it's because I take such astoundingly good care of myself," I continued obnoxiously as they peered at me with bitterness barely hidden behind their red and infected eyes.

Not more than two days later I woke up with a soar throat. I thought nothing of it as I occasionally wake up with such slight maladies and quickly remedy them with rigorous shots of echinacea and vitamin C. I ingested the above mentioned herbal concoction and continued on with my daily chores.

While in the middle of scrubbing the kitchen floor on my hands and knees (truly, the only way to get it spic and span in my opinion) I noticed that
my soar throat had not gone away but, had in fact,
become worse. It was accompanied by aching muscles and swollen glands. By that evening I was shivering and feverish
in a bundle of blankets and ingesting as much herbal tea and
Emergen-C as my body would allow.

Being that I could find no one to work for me on short notice
I arrived at work this morning a sniveling mess. I could
barely squeak a sentence out of my swollen throat and I had
more than once customer grimace in disgust as I groggily
handed them their breakfast with a trickle of snot streaming
out of my chapped nose. Needless to say my co-workers
sent me home straight away, trying as hard as they could
not to show their disgust at the whole germy situation.


So here I sit, sweaty, shivering, snotty and whining. Feverishly cursing
the day I brashly declared myself three years healthy, and
desperately searching for another packet of Emergen-C.