Max is sleeping. He does a lot of that. When I tell other parents that we get eight hours or more of sleep a night I get looks of disbelief, even looks of resentment. He loves to sleep and he is good at it. He starts on his side and moves to his back as the night progresses. He usually wakes up every hour or so for some "ninnys" which is what we call nursing. I don't remember where I heard "ninnys" but I like it. I like co sleeping too. We have a co sleeper attached to the bed but have only used it a few times since he has been born. Since we have a king size bed he can safely sleep with us. I am in no hurry to get him out of our bed. There is a lot of people of the opinion that they need to get out of your bed to be independent. I am of the mind that being that close to you gives them love and nurturing and a sense of security and I will follow my child's cues and my own intuition when it comes to him leaving our bed. He is smiling and laughing lately which is a delight. Some nights are long and lonesome and frustrating, but those feelings are always balanced with the feelings of love and happiness that I get to be so close to my little love. That I have the privilege of spending so much time with him. Soon it will be time to find a part time job. I am trying to dream up what that could be.

Today we went on a walk in the neighborhood and I love the new set of eyes that children give you. There is so much to take in that we so often overlook because we are so wrapped up in our own heads. I relish the opportunity to see the world through his eyes. I am finding my sea legs on this journey as a mother that has only just begun. I feel strong and wary and open and raw.

A year and eight months after my last blog post and I have a baby. The most beautiful, intense little one named Max, after his great grandfather. Maximillian Elliot Neufeld. He has my blue eyes and his father's nose and we don't know if his hair will be red when he is older, but right now it is strawberry and fuzzy and curls in the back at the nape of his neck. He coos and giggles and is starting to say consonant sounds. He sleeps next to me every night in our giant bed and I would not have it any other way. My body hurts from holding him. My body is soft and thick from carrying him. We are moving back to Portland to be closer to family. My heart aches as I think of leaving these mountains that have been our home for seven years. Seven years. How quickly that passes. I breathe in,. I breathe out. My breaths are different now. My life is forever changed. I stretch and crane my neck around to take in the world anew. As a mother. It is time to write again. And so it begins.