Selene's feelings about moving 3,000 miles away. Told through dramatic, fictional embellishments.
It is starting to hit me: I am moving 3,000 miles away in less than four months. I have no money saved, no second job on the horizon and I am starting to freak out. On the other hand, I am anxiously anticipating the move. I feel like "The Three Faces of Eve."
There is Happy and Anxious Selene, Sad and Depressed Selene, Drunk and Indifferent Selene and a myriad of other faces in between. Lately I have been Pining and Nostalgic Selene(with a little Drunk and Hysterical thrown in there to mix things up) Our move is close enough on the horizon that I am starting to look at everything and everyone in Portland with a sense of romance and longing.
"The rhododendrons are in bloom again, rellly they ahhh" I pine longingly over a glass of wine with Mikee Jay.
"Uh...yeah. They usually do that this time of year." He says, looking at me strangely and wondering why I all of a sudden remind him of Katharine Hepburn.
"Gawwd, I just LOVE Portland in the springtime!!"I yell. "And I LOVE riding the Tri-Met bus with all the crazies and that homeless man on Hawthorne that yells at me every time I go into Fred Meyer! And I LOVE all the hipsters with their Betty Page bangs and Buddy Holly glasses who glance at my with disdain whenever I enter their bars of choice dressed in overalls and birkenstocks!"
"I thought you hated riding Tri-met because you are a self proclaimed 'freak magnet', and that crazy man on Hawthorne gives you anxiety. I have also never known you to have anything but contempt for the hipsters,which is why you are always chastising them for having no originality." Mike chimed in realistically.
Enter Drunk, Hysterical Selene.
"You don't respect my EMOTIONS!!" I scream, waving my glass of wine in the air and spilling it on the cat at my feet. "I am telling you I LOVE EVERY F@#*#@* THING ABOUT PORTLAND AND I WANNA LIVE HERE FOREVER AND EVER!!!!
I then exit in a dramatic huff, leaving Mike with an empty bottle of wine and a perplexed look of a reasonable queer boy who has just had an encounter with a hyper-emotional, extremely irrational pre-menstrual straight girl with an abnormal love of rhododendrons.
Skip to the next day. Enter Happy and Excited Selene.
"Oh, hey Mike-where did YOU run off to in a such a hurry last night? Anyway, I have just been thinking about our move to North Carolina and I am sooo stoked!! I wish we could leave like, YESTERDAY-you know what I mean?" I chirp in my signature valley girl drawl.
Mike just stares at me, afraid to chime in. Afraid of what Face of Selene might pop up next.
I chatter on.
"Yeah, I mean Portland is ok or whatever, but I am just soo over it. The stinky, Tri Met buses, the craaaaazy homeless people and all the freakin hipsters running around in their identical 1970's garb! It's like, UGHH-youknowhatimean? Not to mention all these freakin FLOWERS! I think I'm totally developing hay fever! If I so much as have to LOOK at another freakin' rhododendron I think I'm gonna puke!!"
Mike backs away from me slowly, grabs his bottle of wine and bolts for the door. As he runs far away from my house, he silently thanks the gods that he was born as queer as a three dollar bill, never having to deal intimately with the scary and unpredictable emotions of the heterosexual female.
Seriously though folks. All dramatic embellishments aside, I really am going to miss this fabulous city soo much. And although I truly am excited to move-you can expect a more Pining and Nostalgic Selene in the coming months (and hopefully not a lot of Drunken Hysterical Selene thrown in).
There is Happy and Anxious Selene, Sad and Depressed Selene, Drunk and Indifferent Selene and a myriad of other faces in between. Lately I have been Pining and Nostalgic Selene(with a little Drunk and Hysterical thrown in there to mix things up) Our move is close enough on the horizon that I am starting to look at everything and everyone in Portland with a sense of romance and longing.
"The rhododendrons are in bloom again, rellly they ahhh" I pine longingly over a glass of wine with Mikee Jay.
"Uh...yeah. They usually do that this time of year." He says, looking at me strangely and wondering why I all of a sudden remind him of Katharine Hepburn.
"Gawwd, I just LOVE Portland in the springtime!!"I yell. "And I LOVE riding the Tri-Met bus with all the crazies and that homeless man on Hawthorne that yells at me every time I go into Fred Meyer! And I LOVE all the hipsters with their Betty Page bangs and Buddy Holly glasses who glance at my with disdain whenever I enter their bars of choice dressed in overalls and birkenstocks!"
"I thought you hated riding Tri-met because you are a self proclaimed 'freak magnet', and that crazy man on Hawthorne gives you anxiety. I have also never known you to have anything but contempt for the hipsters,which is why you are always chastising them for having no originality." Mike chimed in realistically.
Enter Drunk, Hysterical Selene.
"You don't respect my EMOTIONS!!" I scream, waving my glass of wine in the air and spilling it on the cat at my feet. "I am telling you I LOVE EVERY F@#*#@* THING ABOUT PORTLAND AND I WANNA LIVE HERE FOREVER AND EVER!!!!
I then exit in a dramatic huff, leaving Mike with an empty bottle of wine and a perplexed look of a reasonable queer boy who has just had an encounter with a hyper-emotional, extremely irrational pre-menstrual straight girl with an abnormal love of rhododendrons.
Skip to the next day. Enter Happy and Excited Selene.
"Oh, hey Mike-where did YOU run off to in a such a hurry last night? Anyway, I have just been thinking about our move to North Carolina and I am sooo stoked!! I wish we could leave like, YESTERDAY-you know what I mean?" I chirp in my signature valley girl drawl.
Mike just stares at me, afraid to chime in. Afraid of what Face of Selene might pop up next.
I chatter on.
"Yeah, I mean Portland is ok or whatever, but I am just soo over it. The stinky, Tri Met buses, the craaaaazy homeless people and all the freakin hipsters running around in their identical 1970's garb! It's like, UGHH-youknowhatimean? Not to mention all these freakin FLOWERS! I think I'm totally developing hay fever! If I so much as have to LOOK at another freakin' rhododendron I think I'm gonna puke!!"
Mike backs away from me slowly, grabs his bottle of wine and bolts for the door. As he runs far away from my house, he silently thanks the gods that he was born as queer as a three dollar bill, never having to deal intimately with the scary and unpredictable emotions of the heterosexual female.
Seriously though folks. All dramatic embellishments aside, I really am going to miss this fabulous city soo much. And although I truly am excited to move-you can expect a more Pining and Nostalgic Selene in the coming months (and hopefully not a lot of Drunken Hysterical Selene thrown in).
posted by Selené Emrys at 3:00 PM
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