It started out innocently enough. An invitation to a hot tub at my dear friend-oh lets call him Scottie-'s house. I was all over it. It was cold outside and my aching bones needed some rejuvenation. I had gone over there weeks before and had a FABULOUS time with my even more fabulous group of queer boys, and now I was hungry for more.
Being the ever modest girl that I am-I brought my swimsuit. Next, I bought some wine-for what is a hot tub experience without vino I ask you? Things were all in order and I set out for the other side of the river to the steamy tub that awaited me.
We piled in. The first hit of heavenly bubbles on my toes was delightful. I sunk in. I grabbed my glass of wine and we toasted to the decadent tub and the delightful people submerged in it. The hours went by and we were in heaven. Then I heard a "kerplunk." Yes, that's right-a BIG "kerplunk". My mind, heated by hours of steam and bubbles, was slow to react. I assumed it was a someone's wine glass or lighter, but when I stuck my foot out to feel around for it I realized that I was not so lucky. It was my cell phone at the bottom of the tub and by the time I
picked it out of the water it was dead to the world
"It'll be fine." Scottie assured me as he tried to shake the water out.
I was not so sure. My poor, poor piece of plastic. My drenched piece of EXPENSIVE electronics. I was distraught, dehydrated and drunk. The three D's. It was time to go home. I was escorted there by my sweet, sober, sexy man. After whining about my mobile for an hour or so, I drifted off to a less than blissful sleep.
When I awoke that morning the cell phone was the least of my troubles, for when I cast my eyes on my lily white skin what did I SEE!?!?: A red, angry looking bumpy RASH all over my sides and on my arms!!!! It looked like pimples and was DISGUSTING!!
"Aaaaaaaaaeeeeeeeekkkkkk!!! What IS it?!?!?!" I squeaked.
My man, for all his extensive knowledge could not help me answer that one. Our only hypothesis was that it came from the tub.
"Hmmmm." Scottie said when I ripped up my shirt at work and displayed my newfound epidermal "ick". "Yeah, George(his better half) had something like that after he went in the tub, but it went away after two days."
"But what IS it?!?" I whined helplessly.
He could offer no answers either. I blamed some faulty chemical in the hot tub that had preyed on my sensitive, feminine softness.
Two days Scottie?!? Try four and counting. As I write this I am lathered up in a cocktail of creams and ointments found in the drug store. I look diseased, and horrific memories of scabies in SE Asia dance in my head. I am waiting not so patiently for the horrid irritation to cease to exist, and in the meantime, me cell phone is working like a shadow of its former self. Its water logged microchips make it much more "special ed." than " whiz kid" if you'll pardon the crude expression and I'm going to have to dish out the big bucks to get a new one.
I think my feelings could be more aptly expressed with this short statement: " Waaaaaaaah!!!!!! Poor me!!!!! sniff, sniff."
I will now continue to feel sorry for myself and leave you all with a warning: Beware the hot tubs people. Oh sure, they LOOK good, but who knows what rashy, dirty, slippery things they have in store for you. Leave your cell phone in the pockets and bring the antibiotic ointment. Cuz ya never know.
Rashily yours,
Selene
