Enough is-(cough, gasp, wheeze-)ENOUGH!!!
I took my first drag of a cigarette at age 12. I coughed. I gagged. I thought: "nasty!" -and that was that. Then, at the ripe old age of 14 I decided to give it another go. Everyone looked so damn cool doing it after all, there must be something behind that awful taste. I bought a pack of Marlboro reds. Or, rather, I had some 18 year old do it for me. I coughed. I gagged. I thought: "nasty!" Round three: Camels. Same taste. Same gag. Same thought. You would think I would have stopped there. No, no no. It was all about getting past your bodies reaction and MAKING yourself LIKE it!!! I did. And I felt sooo cool.
"Have you been smoking?" my mom asked me as I waltzed throughout the door after a marathon smoking session with BJ above the house.
I rolled my eyes in a "WhatEVER MOM!" look and ran to my room.
" Mom soooo doesn't know I smoke" I thought smugly to myself, forgetting that she was 35 years older than I and had a decade of smoking under her belt.
She knew. And I kept smoking.
My older friends (all of 18 mind you) warned me: "Dont start!" I've been smoking for 5 years and I don't think I can stop!"
"Whatever." I said as I pulled deeply on my cig, feeling ever so cool as I did it. "I am SO not addicted!"
Fast foward 11 years. My lovely pink lungs undoubtedly not so lovely or pink anymore, and I look back on that day so long ago. They were right. Dammit.
I have gone in and out of the smoking thing. Not smoking for 6 months here and there. Only smoking when I drink. But its all getting old, and so am I. I'm sick of it.
"I only smoke when I drink." I used to declare proudly.
"How often do you drink" asked one man at the bar. (This was when I just turned 21 mind you)
"Umm, only like 5 days a week!" I said hesitantly as I pulled a fresh, white stick out of my purse and lit it.
He looked at me with sad eyes and his lips curled around his tobacco stained teeth in a sarcastic smile.
"You're hooked and you know it girl." He said knowingly."I been smokin' this shit for 45 years, and don't you think it wont catch up to ya. Quit while ya can, or that shit'll smoke YOU!"
I laughed nervously and turned around to my much more young and attractive friends who were also smoking, but too drunk to care and too young for smoking to make its yellow, physical mark.
The years went on. So did the smoking.
Alcohol and cigarettes are like peas and carrots. They go together all too well. After awhile, you cant imagine one without the other. A balanced meal if you will.
Well, I am going on a permanent DIET dammit!! Only carrots for me from now on baby. I don't care HOW well they go together-I would rather be malnourished than have another balanced meal of tobacco and booze EVER again!!!!!!
Thats not true. I know I'll want it. Part of me will always want it and that's the catch. But, I am getting too old for this shit to be cool anymore. My body is yelling at me and I gotta listen. I joined the gym and have started weekly Yoga classes and my lungs are loving it.
Its been 1 week. Wish me luck.
"Have you been smoking?" my mom asked me as I waltzed throughout the door after a marathon smoking session with BJ above the house.
I rolled my eyes in a "WhatEVER MOM!" look and ran to my room.
" Mom soooo doesn't know I smoke" I thought smugly to myself, forgetting that she was 35 years older than I and had a decade of smoking under her belt.
She knew. And I kept smoking.
My older friends (all of 18 mind you) warned me: "Dont start!" I've been smoking for 5 years and I don't think I can stop!"
"Whatever." I said as I pulled deeply on my cig, feeling ever so cool as I did it. "I am SO not addicted!"
Fast foward 11 years. My lovely pink lungs undoubtedly not so lovely or pink anymore, and I look back on that day so long ago. They were right. Dammit.
I have gone in and out of the smoking thing. Not smoking for 6 months here and there. Only smoking when I drink. But its all getting old, and so am I. I'm sick of it.
"I only smoke when I drink." I used to declare proudly.
"How often do you drink" asked one man at the bar. (This was when I just turned 21 mind you)
"Umm, only like 5 days a week!" I said hesitantly as I pulled a fresh, white stick out of my purse and lit it.
He looked at me with sad eyes and his lips curled around his tobacco stained teeth in a sarcastic smile.
"You're hooked and you know it girl." He said knowingly."I been smokin' this shit for 45 years, and don't you think it wont catch up to ya. Quit while ya can, or that shit'll smoke YOU!"
I laughed nervously and turned around to my much more young and attractive friends who were also smoking, but too drunk to care and too young for smoking to make its yellow, physical mark.
The years went on. So did the smoking.
Alcohol and cigarettes are like peas and carrots. They go together all too well. After awhile, you cant imagine one without the other. A balanced meal if you will.
Well, I am going on a permanent DIET dammit!! Only carrots for me from now on baby. I don't care HOW well they go together-I would rather be malnourished than have another balanced meal of tobacco and booze EVER again!!!!!!
Thats not true. I know I'll want it. Part of me will always want it and that's the catch. But, I am getting too old for this shit to be cool anymore. My body is yelling at me and I gotta listen. I joined the gym and have started weekly Yoga classes and my lungs are loving it.
Its been 1 week. Wish me luck.
posted by Selené Emrys at 5:13 PM
2 Comments:
selene,
I keep trying to send you comments and they won't go thru. DRAT!
Juanita
AH HA!
I figured it out. It's so simple. I'm really glad to hear you're taking weekly yoga classes and not smoking. If I see you puffing on a cig I'll know you haven't failed. You're so concious of your health and also my friend who initiated me onto the path of healthy livin.
Juanita
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