beards, babes and booze (aka Halloween 2005)

I awoke on Halloween morning feeling fat and lazy and broke. I had done no preparing for a costume. Although Michelle and I had discussed costumes thoroughly with a thousand ideas in mind, in the end we did nothing about it(how American-Michelle would say. How flakey).
I spent the daytime in my pajamas. I didnt have to work-nor did I have one cent of money, so it was a day filled with projects and daytime television.

As dusk descended(which it did around 5pm-damn daylight savings!!) the spirit of the holiday was in the air. The trick or treaters were starting to come out and I felt the need to transform myself. I raided my closet. I raided Michelles closet. I tried on EVERYTHING. Then took it off again. I laid on my bed in frustration and decided not to dress up. I changed my mind 5 mintues later. Black. I would wear black. The black dress and black stockings came on. The next step was all about the makeup. Enter Michelle. She did me up and made my eyes look scary. I took a piece of Reeses peanut butter cup wrapper and put it on my tooth(a trick I learned from dear old mom back in the day!). I looked at myself. Something was still missing. I put on a cowgirl hat. Not bad, yet......not quite right. I looked at Michelle and she had proceeded to cover herself in a beard. Michelle was a drunken sailor and looked awsome. I was a toothless cowgirl and looked decidedly less awsome. A beard!!!! YES! I would also dawn a beard and THAT would be the final freaky touch. I tried for a goatee, but my hand was unsteady and it ended up being a full beard. "HOT!" I said to myself sarchasticly, and headed out to find the boyfriend.

The boyfriend would hardly look at me. In fact, no boys could really look me in the eye that night. Thats when I knew my costume was a success. We went out to a party and hit the bars. I scared the shit out of the male species the entire time we were out. If any one of them dared look me in the eye I would growl and lick my teeth so they could see my "missing" tooth. The reaction was hysterical, predictable and satisfying. I looked around at the hot girls dressed as sexy angels or devils. The ones who look lovely, but could never bring themselves to NOT look lovely. Like, if men didnt find them attractive their costumes would be a failure. Poor girls. So self aware and so uncomfortable in thier hot thongs, lingerie and heels. I secretly wished them all beards. If they only knew how much FUN it was! "Real women wear beards" I growled to one of them. She grimaced, faked a smile and ran away.

Eventually the soap came out and the beard washed off and the boyfriend looked at me with a sigh of relief. Like he was afraid if I kept it on a second longer I might REALLY grow five o'clock shadow. Silly boys. "Goodnight my love" I growled masculinely. He laughed. Or, was it a shudder? he he he he.
Happy Halloween 2005 y'all.
Love,
The Bearded Babe.