I hate dressing myself

I awake in the nude and slip on my PJs. Tea and Breakfast first. Ah, the morning. I love it. I check my email, check myspace(my newest obsession) and then set off to take on the day. But first: what shall I wear? I scan my closet, then my dresser. piles and piles of pink, brown red, black and beyond. Nothing looks good. Why the hell did I buy that sweater? yuck. Oh yeah THOSE jeans. Those were so cu-....what the hell? Why dont they fit me anymore!?! I look in the mirror and find myself staring back at the "muffin top" of all "muffin tops" Yuck. I tear them off in exasperation. that dress? too formal. With jeans? NO! YUCK!!
I stomp upstairs to Michelles closet in hopes of something cute-that actually looks good on me. Hmmmm...that purple shirt always looks so good on her, lets see.....arrrrggg! WHY are my arms so fat in this? Another shirt, and another-and that belt that almost works....but doesnt. GAWDAMMIT! The mailman comes up the stairs and I am staring down at him from upstairs. Wearing my bra. I want to go out and get the mail-but WHAT DO I WEAR!?!? WHY dont I have cuter clothes!?!? I want to wear that pink top with those jeans-if ONLY I were three sizes smaller. But, then again-that top doesnt really match my new haircolor very well. Should I wear dark colors ONLY now? Ohhh...I forgot about that shirt. Nice....untill-I rip the armpit out.
THATS IT!!! I run downstairs and find my PJs. SO warm, so flannel-so baggy. I shut my drawers loudly and angrily silently cursing my appawling apparel.
Its been decided. THIS is what Im wearing. And I'm not leaving this F@#$%& house!!
So there.